


Broken feathers

by Earako



Category: Paul shapera - Fandom, Shaperaverse
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Shaperaverse Wings AU, Wings AU, mentions of self harm, oh sorry forgot, once again courtesy of J.D Phoenix/ Full-Moon-Phoenix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:53:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25295005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Earako/pseuds/Earako
Summary: Raven did not take the best care of his wings while trapped in the collective unconsciousness. He was hoping to hide it from Lloyd. Lloyd, of course, found out completely by accident
Relationships: Lloyd Allen/Raven | David Adams
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaahhhh, finally got around to this! First off huge shout out to Jesper on NADS for the entire Raven abused his wings premise and to J.D for the fantastic wings AU. Not gonna lie, sorta had to beat this into submission and it refuses to be wrangled anymore. But I think it turned out alright.

Raven was ashamed of his wings. Not because of how they looked, well, not entirely because of how they looked. He was ashamed of what they represented. The bald patches where fist fulls of feathers were torn out, the odd dips and bumps from where he gripped them so hard they’d break, the areas where he ended up tearing so hard his wings bled.

He hated how desperate he was for pain.

And the way he still felt like he deserved it.

It’s not his fault that the pain provided such sweet clarity within the haze and fog that was his mind. It was a perverse sort of euphoria and an addicting one at that. A habit that he found incredibly difficult to kick.

It wasn’t until Lloyd came back to him with his great-granddaughter in tow that the guilt and shame kicked in. Wings were the embodiment of a person’s soul, they represented the very core of someones being. His Lloyd’s wings showed pride and resilience, Han Mi’s showed strength, courage, and determination. And Raven’s?

Raven’s wings were broken beyond repair. He pulled and bit and hit and tore them up so badly he doubted he’d ever fly again. He’d never soar the skies with Lloyd or guide Han through her first few wingbeats. He’d never join his family in the freedom of the open air and it was because he was a mess of depression, anxiety, idiocy and fuck why did Lloyd and Han even stay around? He was a burden, a stone around their necks and perhaps it’d be best if he-

“Ravey?” Came a horrified voice from the doorway to Raven’s room. Raven yelped. He twirled and tried to pull his wings back in, but it was too late. Lloyd already saw. There was no point hiding them. With a defeated sigh Raven unfurled them from their half put away state.

He shut his eyes, unwilling and ashamed to face Lloyd. He was scared about what Lloyd would say. Would he be disappointed? Disgusted?

He heard footsteps draw near. Hands hesitantly rested themselves on his shoulders. Raven leaned into the touch. Gentle fingers brushed through his feathers, fingers that he was oh so familiar with, fingers that were finally flesh and not the sad wooden imitation that previously housed his love.

“Ravey baby….what happened.”

Raven’s eyes burned with the effort of holding tears back. He pulled his hat over his eyes and clenched his teeth in an attempt to muffle the sobs longing to escape. Lloyd sighed brushing his hands through Raven’s feathers.

“Was...was this when...you know…”

Raven whined, sniffled, nodded. Lloyd gently patted him on the arm. He didn’t know how long Raven was trapped in the collective unconsciousness for, though from the state of his wings, long enough to drive him to self-destruction.

Raven’s hat tumbled off his head, tears finally burst through. Lloyd pulled Raven to his chest, enveloping him in a tight hug, whispering apologies and ‘I love you’ over and over again.

Raven finally gave in and wailed. He clung to Lloyd like he was the only thing keeping him grounded, from drowning in the ocean of self-hatred and pain he found himself constantly trying to tread through. Lloyd wasn’t any better.

The knot in Lloyd’s chest finally loosened and burst. His loneliness, bitterness and anger, all of it seeped out in the tears silently making their way down his face. His sweet little fire, his flame so desperate to feel something he extinguished himself. If only Lloyd agreed to let him follow…

In the dark of Raven’s bedroom, limbs and wings tangled with one another seeking and giving comfort.

-/-

Lloyd woke up with a familiar weight on top of him. He smiled and pressed a kiss to the top of Raven’s head. He was reluctant to wake Raven up but the floor wasn’t doing his back any good and he knew Raven would wake up with a sore neck if he slept any longer in his current position. 

“Hey, c’mon Ravey, up.”

“Mn…”Raven groaned and buried himself further into Lloyd. Arms and wings tried to keep Lloyd trapped in their little snuggle pile. Lloyd sighed, though a content smile made its way to his lips.

“Up. I wanna preen you.” Lloyd’s eyes widened in concern when he felt Raven stiffen up. 

“Unless you don’t want me to-”

“No! No, just I..er….um…” He scrambled off of Lloyd, wings pulled close to his body. It was odd, seeing Raven act so shy. Lloyd didn’t voice that and instead waited for Raven to talk.

“I-I would like that. And um..I..well…..”

Raven slowly turned around and bared his wings. Upon closer inspection, Lloyd found what looked like lilac feathers peeking through scratch marks. The exact same lilac as his tie. He tilted his head.

“I didn’t know feathers could change colour.”

“Neither did I...no matter how many times I tore them out they grew back.”

‘“Well,” Lloyd said, beginning to straighten out Raven’s feathers, starting with the lilac ones,” I hope you plan on letting these grow out.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds nice.”

“Good.”

“....Hey Lloyd?”

“Yes?”

“Can I preen yours later?”

Lloyd paused and pressed a kiss to the small space where Raven’s wings connected to his back.

“I’d like nothing more.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han Mi never really noticed how Raven, despite being the flashy show bird he is, kept his wings hidden. She gets curious one day. Her curiosity gets answered but not in the way she expected.

Han never really questioned why Raven always kept his wings tucked away during the early stages of getting to know him. There was too much on her mind, Helen, Mary, the carnival, learning that the nut of a clown that terrorized her and her friends was related to her, then there was the news of said clown's boyfriend being behind her hellscape of a cabaret- it was a lot to process. 

First, of course, there was anger. Resentment. Distrust. Over time though, those feelings faded. All three of them talked, Raven tried to make amends (almost to a worrying degree) and soon the trio would find themselves bonding over preening Han’s or Lloyd’s wings. Never Raven’s though. And that’s what bothered Han.

Raven made a big show about wanting to reconnect with her as family, being vulnerable with one another, finding an emotional connection, earning just a little bit of Han’s trust. He pretty much had no filter around her and Lloyd, much to Han’s annoyance but she supposed that was just part of Raven’s charm. Lloyd certainly seemed to think so.

Han sighed and perched on the armrest of the sofa, arms crossed. Between Raven and Lloyd, Raven seemed the most excited about guiding her through being a post human. He explained narratives, archetypes, entering and exiting narrative strands. However, when it came to teaching her about postie wings Raven would get an almost sad look in his eyes and call Lloyd over.

It was Lloyd that taught Han how to adjust to the new weight of wings on her back. Lloyd guided Han through her first wing beats, Lloyd was the one who taught her how to speed up, slow down, and hover during flight. And Raven never joined them. He always looked so forlorn every time Lloyd whisked Han away for another flight lesson.

A yelp and the smell of sulfur had Han springing up from the couch. She paused to determine where the smell was coming from then rushed in the direction of Raven’s room. She could her Lloyd loudly swearing and Raven hissing in...in pain?

Han flung open the doors to Raven’s room. Her jaw dropped at what she saw. 

What looked like fire licked at the top portion of Raven’s wings. Lloyd had taken his jacket off and was currently attempting to smother out the flame. Beneath the jacket Raven kept yelping and flinching, the pain worsened with the involuntary movement.

It took about half a minute for Han to snap out of her daze. She remembered there was a fire blanket somewhere in the house and rushed to find it. A few moments later she threw the blanket over Raven's wings and attempted to choke out the fire. She barely registered Lloyd giving her a quiet thank you. 

Raven was still for a moment before falling backwards, completely limp.

-/-

Raven’s wings were in bad shape. They were malformed, misshapen, some parts looked like they never healed properly. It looked like someone tore handfuls of feathers out. The question was, who? Raven was alone in the collective unconsciousness as far as Han knew. Unless….

“He never wanted you to see this you know.”

“Gee, what gave you that idea?” Han said, sarcasm dripped heavily in her tone. Lloyd rolled his eyes at her.

“Alright then lady sass-a-lot. So. What are your thoughts?”

“My thoughts right now are we need to treat these burns before they get infected. How did this happen anyway?”

Lloyd stiffened and turned away from her. Han elbowed him.

“Enough with the secrecy. I’m a big girl, I can handle whatever happened to gramps.”

“He…” Lloyd took off his glasses, wiped them on his shirt and put them back on. Han could hear him swallow.

“You remember what I taught you about wings?”

“Yeah. They’re the embodiment of a person’s- oh. Ooohhhhh.” Wings were the embodiment of a person’s core being. If that’s what Raven’s wings looked like then that meant....

“Apparently there are days where pulling a loose feather out ignites fire. Normally, it wouldn’t hurt him….I guess he was just desperate to feel something.”  
Han kept silent as she continued to help Lloyd treat Raven’s wings. Just when she thought she finally knew her great-grandfather…..

-.-

The next few days were awkward to say the least. Raven refused to come out of his room, not even to use the bathroom. How he managed that Han chalked up to postie logic that she didn’t have the mental power to process at the moment. She sipped her coffee while Lloyd nervously paced around the kitchen, occasionally stopping to check the cupboards for something Raven might like.

“I thought he was doing better-I thought we were doing better. He seemed, I didn’t even, how did I not notice-”

“Lloyd,” Han said, placing her free hand on his shoulder. “Look, clearly Raven's been through some stuff, but sitting out here isn’t going to do any good. You said his wings are like that because of the time you were separated, right?”

“Well, yes-:

“Then, I don’t know. Find a blanket and cuddle him or something. You want him to spiral with no one to stop him?”

“No...no you do have a point. That’s a good idea.” Lloyd quickly walked out of the kitchen and grabbed a blanket, grabbing Han on his way to Raven’s room.

“Wha-hey watch it! My coffee!”

“It's fine. Now lets go cheer your gramps up.”

If anyone asked Han later she’d deny curling her wings around Lloyd and Raven. She’d deny how she helped Lloyd soothe the angry burns on Raven’s feathers, She’d deny noticing the tears running down both Lloyd and Raven’s cheeks. She’d deny the tugging in her chest that internally winced at the abuse of Raven’s wings.

But with her family? There was no need to deny. They already knew.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Like what you read? I'm over @Earako if you wanna chat!


End file.
